Have you ever been a particularly tough situation and said to yourself.. “Oh come on, get over it. Not a big deal,” if you have, yeah thats not really a good thing to do for yourself. That’s precisely what gaslighting looks like my friends.
Gaslighting refers to situation where someone tries to make you question your own reality by manipulating you.
Phew! Some opening statement huh? Hey guys, Chai here back yet again with an interesting topic which picked my brain. If you have done the above mentioned then you’re not alone. I have done that and continue to do it in my daily life as a coping mechanism. Even I had not realised until recently that I was gaslighting and manipulating myself. Although with time I can now recognise this pattern of behaviour it still is hard to slip out of it. If it was another person in the same situation like a friend or a family member or even an acquaintance, I would most likely provide them space to vent, listen to their end of the story and comfort or advice them based on the situation.
You guys would probably do the same right?
The question is, why don’t we do that for ourselves?
Why do we dismiss our emotions instead of acknowledging them? Probably because we are all inherently procrastinators and prefer to push things away to deal with later. But is it really healthy for us in the long run?
My personal answer would be no.
In the past I have tried to move past situations by either shoving my feelings away, telling myself that other people have bigger problems than me or have completely ignored the situation as a whole like it didn’t exist. Now, the question begs, did it help in any way Chai?
Nope. It just made things worse. The feelings, the pain came back at a speed and intensity so exponentially high that I didn’t know what hit me. Its easy to give advice when you are looking at the situation from a third person perspective but when it comes to you, it is hard to perceive the situation without overthinking everything. Yet, theres a threshold each one of us has and when you reach it you decide to choose the ultimatum, which would be total destruction or finally taking a stand for yourself, pulling yourself out of that dark pit .
In my case that’s when I started to look up for healthier ways to deal with situations. I tried to give myself the attention, the safe space I needed. Tried to take a step back and assess the situation from a third person point of view. Lo and behold, I was able to figure out what would help me.
What was it you may ask? The answer was always right under my nose.
Acceptance.
Yup. You read that right. It was just acceptance. I just needed to accept myself and the situation I was in. I just needed to hold and comfort myself like I would a friend. This is where I needed to love myself and put myself first. It was imperative that I told myself the following statements:
- My pain is valid
- It is okay if my healing takes time
- It is okay to feel whatever I am feeling
- Even if others don’t agree with me, my feelings are valid
- My past mistakes don’t define my present or my future
I slowly have started trying to treat myself in a way I would treat a friend or a family member. Looking at a situation from a third person’s perspective also helped. I discern that although accepting certain situations brings a lot of pain in the moment, it also helps let go of the burden your heart has been carrying.
Telling yourself that you’re overreacting to a situation or that your problems are not that important or going as far as to blaming yourself for situations you definitely didn’t cause does not help in the healing process. I know this because I have experienced it first hand. I even went so far as to convince myself that maybe I didn’t deserve happiness which is the most toxic thing I could’ve done to myself. So, if I can pull myself out of that place then you definitely can too.
Okay not gonna lie, that last line sounded like an ad haha! But seriously guys I think it’s crucial that we identify and learn to differentiate gaslighting and validation. There is definitely a very thin line separating them both but I am positive that with time all of us can heal and get to a healthier state of mind.
I have come to realise that there are certain situations which are way beyond my control and how much ever I try to blame myself, berate and punish myself it won’t make a difference because in that situation nothing is in my hand and whatever I do I can not change it. I am working on identifying situations like these and learning to cut myself some slack. It is a long journey towards that learning but hey I am not one to give up that easy!
The above is another situation where in the concept of acceptance comes in clutch. I feel like acceptance is the main character of this play, the “hero” of the story, the one that saves us all.
Wouldn’t you agree? I feel like thats an apt comparison.
As always let me know anything you feel in the comments below! Always happy to read your thoughts.
Fyi: This blog post I have been writing since February and is finally complete now. I won’t lie, this does not feel like my finest piece of work. It is definitely choppy and while writing it I have been through a whirlwind of emotions which might come across if you pay close attention. It feels rushed in places but yet I choose to put it out there because at the end of the day it is still me. At the time I am publishing this I am definitely in a vulnerable, lost and in a very anxious state but when I started this blog I promised myself that I would write whatever came naturally. I do not want to pretend or spread toxic positivity. So, I just want to say that yes I am hurting and I know a lot of you are too. My heart goes out to all of you and I can just say I am hoping for better days for all of us.
If you made it this far come collect your cookie xD. No but seriously thank you for reading lovely one and I will be back soon hopefully with a slightly less melancholic post.
Until then. Sendings lots of positivity your way!
Comments
Post a Comment